your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
