If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Randomize
