I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
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