and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Randomize
