We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
