At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
