So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
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