Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
