'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
