After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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