I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
so let's talk penis.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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