Jerry, you need to find god
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
