One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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