i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I want to fling myself into the sun
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
