didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
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