"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
why do cheetos always look like penises
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
