I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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