Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
