he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
