That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
