I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
