just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
