Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
