Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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