nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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