using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
