tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
