Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
