Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
