is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
