my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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