All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
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