I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
