Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
