I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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