i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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