he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Randomize
