I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
