Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
bring money and cleavage
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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