She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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