i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
