i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
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