I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize
