i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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