Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
