Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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