the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
