i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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