I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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