so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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