Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
Just invented taco cereal.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
