FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
