wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize
