If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
