I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
