I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
