i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
