you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
