No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
