So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
