i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
