just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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