Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize