Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Randomize
