Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
