I just threw up on my dentist
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
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