when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
