I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
