the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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